I Think It’s Gone - Demi vs Sadist

I Think It’s Gone

It’s concerning to me

apathy filling up the space where adoration used to be

Some days

there’s no sense that it ever existed

overwhelmed with energy in one instance

And in the next one I can’t feel shit

When all I’m asking is for you to be consistent

It’s got me wondering, what was I thinking

I’d become so accustomed to those feelings lingering

Basking in them when you’re hours away from me

Penning verse after verse of erotic poetry

Knowing it meant nothing to you

And being ok with that part

But not with you seemingly ignoring me

disregarding my heart

Only I can’t stay angry

Shaking my head as you act as if my feelings don’t matter to you

Wondering if it was all a ruse

Backing away when I’m not sure what to do

Still begging to be kissed by you

Lust tackling love

Protruding legs in the air

When I want my body to deny you

Yet it still lets you take me there

Still palpable when we lose touch

Mocking my own tears when I think I am too much

Until finally I can’t feel it

It’s gone

Or changed

No more coffee

No more lyrics

No more pictures for

my frames

No more giggles when you say my name

lost to me

Trying to adjust

But still holding space

To put it simply I was feeling ashamed and constantly trying to save face

You didn’t want it and

in altering it

I took it apart

Did I pull back too much

Or did I push too hard and overshot my mark

To get it back would be up to me

What’s coincidental in your eyes

Was synchronous to me

No coincidences bear such energy

It was never about the sex

like some might believe

The sex was enhanced by the chemistry

It’s part of the package

titled “enchanted”

There’s no switch to turn it on or up

It now seems carnal

What once seemed tantric

Uprooted

What I once believed was embedded

This ocean of emotions is so deep & alive

My spirit can’t possibly tread it

Only authentic when it comes from the bottom of the cup

Enlightenment no theory can ever touch

Maybe I just gave you too much

In begging for more than you had to give and telling you what I needed

Did I happen to turn you off

or possibly leave you depleted

Muse

like the way you spread these thighs

Contradictory

I know your third eye is not blind

But you appear to look right through me

When I stare into your eyes

So maybe you just think I’m lying

Honestly I’m afraid that I’ll get tired of trying

Now when we are so close

We can feel worlds apart

Needing to keep my eyes off of you

While I nurse my confounded heart

Only it continues circulating

Oxygenating you &

Pushing you right back through

If we remain on this course

only one thing can be true

That’s what this poem is about

I’m slowly becoming immune now that I’ve figured it out

I go back and forth

with myself

Not sure about what to say

I’ll likely tuck these feelings away

Never to see the light of day

My feelings tend to be your kryptonite

I don’t want you to take this the wrong way

I’m not trying to push you into loving me

Just wanting you to stop being careless with this chemistry ~ ASH