Unforgiving & Unforgiven
I made a long snap, and pressed send. Reckoning with why I’m feeling unforgiving, and the caption said “I’m going to be ok”. I attempted, asking for forgiveness too and it took everything in me. It didn’t upset me for asking, nor was I upset about being rejected. However, not being able to forgive is a problem for me.
From my mom's death, having to drop out of school, having women in my house, being afraid of my kids being homeless, leaving, moving Doodle, then ignoring the red flags from so many people, the guy who hit me, moving here based on lies to the death of my son, forgiving has been so hard. So it brought me to tears, and I expressed that. I haven’t forgiven myself either.
My neighbor walked around the building, minutes later, and asked to sit down for a minute. Woo to her, she needed to rest. We started talking, finally introduced ourselves, but when she walked off she said “you’re going to be ok, and happy Mother’s Day.”. I didn’t tell her how I was feeling about that day, but she has seen Doodle. Mother’s Day always sucks.
Sometimes people say “you’ll be ok”, and it makes me roll my eyes. It wasn’t her being dismissive, like I usually feel it is. She meant it, and there’s no doubt she was placed to give me that confirmation. I am going to be ok.